Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
