I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
