I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
