god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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