well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
