I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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