if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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