Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
