OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
