I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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