so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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