well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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