My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
