Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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