He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
