I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
