did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
