Yo dont text me then not text me
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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