The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
zippers are such a cool invention
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
