she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Green mimosas i think yes
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
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