is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
