he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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