I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize