don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
