Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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