so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
