Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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