five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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