We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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