By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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