Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize