new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
