i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
