and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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