I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
