i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
