My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize