I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Houston, we have a squirter
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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