Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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