Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
