sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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