This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You made out with two different species that night
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
