would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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