Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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