mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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