If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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