Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize