At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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