So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm too high and old for this...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
