im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
