He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
