even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize