Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
