Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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