We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
