I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
