God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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