I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
