bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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