Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
