the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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