you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Randomize
