im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
