Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
