She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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