i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
