We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
