took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
