Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm bleeding and have questions
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
