1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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