She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
