I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
