you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
