so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
