I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
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