I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
This is my gift to your gina
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
