you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize