You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize