With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
