is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
