So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
