What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
