Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
