He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
