haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
