i just wanna soil my oats bro
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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