Buhtt sex?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize