I cannot find my penis.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
