i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
