Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
