girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
