Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
