im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
sarcasm needs its own font
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
