please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
